Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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