If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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