I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
