After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
