you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
