wat bout pragnant strippers??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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