I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
