Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
