Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
