Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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