She is in my trunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
