Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
