No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
