Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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