Me too!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
