Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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