my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
