we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
