If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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