I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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