ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
