my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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