So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
