When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
