So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
