Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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