Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
