weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
