If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
