when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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