One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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