I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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