I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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