cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
