Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
