i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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