Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
