No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
