dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
