I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
