he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
