You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
