My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
