I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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