im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
