how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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