Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Farmville is her only friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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