Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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