I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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