how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
