im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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