I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
