nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
