I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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