Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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