She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
