Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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